Dear roommates, 

What the fuck are you doing in your room all day? I hope that its okay if I tell everyone that you guys sit in your room and masturbate furiously. I sincerely haven’t a clue of how you can get off sitting in your room surround by- whatever you do- all day, every day. Is it really fun in there? Also, I understand that you ‘cannot see’ the trash you leave behind but leaving the microwave door open? Seriously? I know that I own everything in the apartment but the microwave (because we rent that together) but leaving it open? Do you really not have the time to close the fuckin’ door in between searches on youporn and motherless.com? I suppose that I should be thankful that you guys stopped drinking the grape soda my mom bought me. 

Regards, 

Bruce

To whom it may concern, 

    Over the years since myspace, facebook and the various blogging sites have became common place. Every teenager has added everyone they knew at least once. Over time, the ‘1000 friends’ people had when they were young transcend into their older years. There are literally thousands of interactions going on every moment. Who is worth reading about? The social impact of the mutual friends feature is often used as a reference in understanding the connections and possibly: who the person is based off of who they know. No one wants to be questioned about how they know another person, especially if they are not on speaking terms or met in bad context creating awkward situations and basis.

    There’s several reasons to consider when deleting people. First, what’s the point in sharing your ideas, photos and life with people who don’t like you? Secondly, it does not morally make sense that anyone should delve in to someone’s life if they do not enjoy being around them. Thirdly, if you are a positive person who loves life then it’s a letdown to see those all-to-common ‘woe is me’ depressing status updates. 

     In conclusion, deleting people is okay but there are side effects. The people who become ‘deleted’ from someone’s life will often fade away mentally and emotionally. It is the constant update. The ability to zoom in on someone else’s life that reminds us of who others are and what they think of us. Some people should be let go. After all, isn’t life more exciting when working with incomplete-knowledge?

Regards, 

Bruce

This is a little tune I wrote as an Appalachian folk song. 
 

I wish I was a fish in the sea

I wish we were fishes in the sea.
I wish we were fishes in the sea.
If we were fishes in the sea: there’s no place we’d rather be,
If we were fishes in the sea.  

I’d swim to the other coast. 
I’d swim to the other coast.
On the other coast: is the girl I love the most
I’d swim to the other side. 

I’ve been on land too long.
Oh, I’ve been on land too long. 
I’ve been on land and done what I can,
I’ve been on land too long.  

I wish we were birds in the sky. 
I wish we were birds in the sky.
The birds in the sky, sing for all who happen by,
I wish we were birds in the sky. 

If we were rocks in the ground
If we were rocks in the ground.
The rocks in the ground have always been around. 
I rather be a bird in the sky.  

I’ve found that driving in the suburbs blasting groovy tunes while waving at joggers and little kids is basically the most fun thing to do in the world. 

Holy shit, these people think I know ‘em.